nope it's still bad and it's getting worse and worse and worse and worse
look in the mirror in a changing room in a store in a mall somewhere. nothing's wrong with the way you've been living, nothing at all, it doesn't even matter that you don't think you'll be alive in a couple years, some people are just meant to die soon, aren't they?
a little headache and it's okay
panic sets in, has always set in, is living under your skin
going to eat the truth. going to eat time. going to eat memories
gluttony and jealousy
oh perfection, oh waking world
something has come loose in your brain, a couple trillion screws
it's not something made to be understood, yet still indelible all the same
I should be brighter, I should be prettier
I'm scared of a wall of makeup, scared of the price tags on the clothes, what even are clothes? what even is makeup? I'm not girl enough to be a girl, does he even think I'm pretty? look in the mirror in a changing room in a store in a mall somewhere and everything looks goddamn wrong and everything is goddamn painful and I repeat the same motion. I repeat the same motion. I repeat the same motion. it's not the world if it doesn't eat me alive. it's still bad and it's getting worse and worse and worse and worse.
fall in love. fall in love. fall in love. pick the skin from my lips and realize I'm unable to breathe. there wasn't a single flower in this town that wasn't painted black. fix everything. fix everything. FIX EVERYTHING. fix everything it's so simple just fix everything just fix it all. just make it all understandable. just make it all simple enough to be overwritten with a smile. laugh at the fact that you can't see stars here. I'm vaguely sick to my stomach and time is running out faster than ever before. I think of breaking an hourglass in my hands and I wonder if it would hurt my ability to play piano after pulling glass shards out of my palms.
I fear everything. I fear absolutely everything. I make my eyes wide. I believe I don't exist but unfortunately I'm certain I do and not in the way I want to.
fix everything. fix everything. fix everything. fix everything. FIX EVERYTHING
something is broken and irreparable. oh cruel passage of time what did it mean? nothing was ever able to be remade but I'd love to paint it back over, make it gold, fix everything! fix everything! shove time down my throat until I can't feel what it's like to learn! to love! fix everything! fix it until it stops looking wrong!
it's all wrong!
if some tragedy were to befall everyone, what would be child's play?: